Friday, November 12, 2010

The Pitfalls of Pets

After college, you probably moved. Moving is rough. Suddenly, you are in a new place. You don't know many people. Heck, you may not know anyone! Or maybe you didn't move far (or at all), but you are living alone for the first time and missing your college roommate.

One thing is for sure. You probably feel anxious and lonely.

Then, one day you pass a pet store. The cute kittens meow and stretch. The puppies bark and look at you with big open eyes. "Take me home. I'm cute and will love you unconditionally," they implore you. Without thinking, you buy your first pet.

Uhoh. THINK AGAIN, Sucker!

Now, you are stuck with a brand new puppy that isn't housebroken or trained. Your new job is 9 to 5, and you can't get out to walk said puppy every 2 hours. Your puppy is lonely in your home and misses you and its pack mates. So to rid himself of that anxiety, he destroys your house. Your beautiful new big-kid stuff is ruined, and you are definitely going to lose that deposit.

At night, while you are trying to capture that elusive full night's rest, your puppy howls, barks, or cries. The neighbors are pissed, and no amount of makeup can conceal the hideousness that is your face. Not to mention, your dog eats more than you do! And he needs shots. Lots of shots. And of course, if you don't want MORE puppies, he needs to be fixed. In the words of the Grinch (if he work a tax accountant), "If there's one thing I hate, all the bills, bills, bills, BILLS!"

So, think carefully my friends before you fall victim to the precious eyes of a poodle.

Evidence 1:
This may or may not be my living room. And might I add, the only piece of carpeting in the entire place. Yes, that's right. There are 11 poops.


Evidence 2:
Before and After

Who me?

Termites, I swear.

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